What’s that you’re saying? You want MORE football?? Well it must be your lucky day because that’s exactly what you’re about to get! Nothing in the world of semi-semi-professional sports journalism opens the door for complete creative freedom like some good ol’ power rankings. As a matter of fact, power rankings reach far beyond the football-sphere. You can rank pizza toppings, Subway sandwich combinations, even other ranking lists! This might be the most fun we’ve ever had together, folks. Just be warned that I may not give any explanation for placing a team where I do outside of the top five because, frankly, I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.
Super Bowl Contenders
- New England Patriots (2-0). If only Darth Vader could see me now, he’d definitely tell you that “the bias is strong in this one”. However, bear with me here, has any team looked better than the Patriots over the past two weeks? Seriously, I’ll wait…nothing? I thought so. The defense still has some issues to work out, but those issues are a lot less noticeable when Brady and the offense are scoring 40 points per game.
- Cincinnati Bengals (2-0). You may be surprised to see the Bengals so high on this list, but the main reason they’re here is because Andy Dalton has looked great in their two wins thus far. If Cincy can continue winning because of Dalton and not in spite of him, they have a chance to make some serious noise this season.
- Arizona Cardinals (2-0). The Cardinals are coming off of an absolute smothering of the Bears that showcased both their strong defense and scoring ability on offense. A healthy Carson Palmer has been a major lift to this team. His consistency going forward will make or break Arizona’s playoff hopes.
- Seattle Seahawks (0-2). Seattle may still be searching for their first win, but Kam Chancellor’s return is big enough for me to give them a vote of confidence. Chancellor’s presence changes the dynamic of that entire team, not just the defense, and I expect that to be reflected in the coming weeks.
- Green Bay Packers (2-0). I’m not quite convinced by this team yet. Eddie Lacy went down after just three carries Sunday night against the Seahawks and I wonder if Green Bay can keep winning by relying on James Jones should their running game evaporate.
- New Jersey Court Jesters (2-0). That defense may have a historic season, but Ryan Fitzpatrick will eventually wake up and realize that he is, in fact, still Ryan Fitzpatrick.
- Denver Broncos (2-0). No way Denver keeps getting the lucky breaks they’ve had so far.
- Atlanta Falcons (2-0)
- Carolina Panthers (2-0)
- Dallas Cowboys (2-0). I put Dallas at 10 so it wouldn’t feel so bad when they drop down the list. With Dez Bryant and Tony Romo down for the foreseeable future, the Cowboys may not add to that win column for a while.
There’s Hope for You Yet
- Kansas City Chiefs (1-1)
- San Diego Chargers (1-1)
- Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1)
- Indianapolis Colts (1-1)
- Buffalo Bills (1-1)
- Oakland Raiders (1-1). Scoff all you want, but Oakland put it all together last week against the Ravens. If the sneak peek we got of the Carr-to-Cooper combo can start showing up on a regular basis, the Raiders may challenge for the AFC West title.
- Miami Dolphins (1-1)
- New Orleans Saints (0-2)
- Minnesota Vikings (1-1)
- Detroit Lions (0-2)
- Louis Rams (1-1). Sure the Rams may have gone toe-to-toe with Seattle and come away with the victory, but then they got drubbed by the Redskins. THE REDSKINS. The jury’s still out on this team.
- Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1)
- Chicago Bears (0-2)
Your Coach Was Supposed to be Some Sort of Genius But That’s Not Really Working Out, Is It?
- Philadelphia Eagles (0-2)
Maybe Hard Knocks Wasn’t Such a Great Idea
- Houston Texans (0-2). It feels wrong seeing Vince Wilfork is a Texans uniform. It feels right watching them lose like the second-rate team they’ve always been.
Hey, There’s Always Next Year
- Cleveland Browns (1-1)
- Tennessee Titans (1-1)
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1)
- Washington Redskins (1-1)
- San Francisco 49ers (1-1)
- Baltimore Ravens (0-2)
- New York Giants (0-2). Is it a coincidence that two of the teams I hate most in this league are down at the bottom? I don’t know, maybe they should win more games.